So, it's been a damn long time since i even got on here haha. But alot is going through my mind and where else to write about it, except here on xanga, cuz who really reads this stuff still right?? Anyway, yesterday was my 5year anniversary with Maria Aguirre, a very special girl that i've always loved and never seemed to stop loving. She has always been that special someone for me and i hope she will always be. But yesterday really didn't turn out to be what i expected to be a wonderful day. we got into a stupid argument or some kind of fight, but that's the thing, i don't even know why it even got started. I messaged her through facebook, and on my part it wasn't a very nice message. i strongly believe i was blinded by some rage and i really was sorry for what i said. Anyway, you have to understand how hard it is to deal with these kinds of situations when you're 1000miles apart and the only line of communication is a phone or the computer. i mean i have done it before, but it's never easy. But i know sometime we will talk about it or something will come up. And to all the girls, i NEVER blame it on PMS or any stupid girl shit like that, but if you believe so then go ahead i can't change your mind but i can argue with it.

Well, as the night started to fall upon us here in texas, i decided to go to my place of "thinking", which was eagle mountain lake. i sat by the water's edge, reflecting on what happened today and it sucked. I try all i can to make our anniversary day special and this was our actual anniversary day too. But it never seems like we appreciate it anymore, and i really do mean WE. For the past year, it's been such a busy time and barely enough time to make for each other, and some part of me thinks we might be drifting but for the most part i still hold myself to believe we are still strong. Long distance is never an easy thing, and when you constantly think about her/him things get into your mind and you soon forget about how much they really love you. But no one is perfect and there will be times were mistakes occur, but you always hope it's never as bad as you think it will be. Before i lay in my bed and After i wake up, i always pray that we are still together. If we ever do split it will be the hardest thing for me, and i really don't know what will happen, i just hope it will NEVER happen. But only time will tell, and only time goes on without waiting...

i love you forever and always..

The Holidays are coming up and im pretty much indifferent about it. nothing much is going to happen except that im going to get my class ring for new years. for christmas i really don't feel so jolly. maria and i have been spending christmas together ever since we've left japan. this is the only time we're not going to be together physically. because we've decided to go to each others graduation. yeah well its a sacrifice i had to make beacuse my parents aren't so hot with the idea of me going there by myself and on such short notice. however, i may be able to go there by myself for her graduation because my mom and dad will be working and they kind of get bored when the only reason why we actually go to florida is so they can escort me and manage my behavior. except my dad he's cool with it. well Merry Christmas and Happy New Years all you happy people out there =P. Make sure you're naughty not nice. hahaha.

just this morning i was looking for some of my dante's inferno notes and in my middle school journal i wrote a poem that was meant to be for denise but we kind of didnt last but i have found the girl who i was talking about already. enjoy. oh yeah theres other versions online or almost the same exact one's. trust me i wrote this. haha i had a poem phase ask maria xP.

Dreams

I’ll never forget the way you looked

When I saw you there that night;

The way you just seemed to glow

In the warm and gentle light.

I walked over and asked you to dance;

You answered yes with a smile

As if you knew it’s what I’d do,

Knew it all the while.

So we went, your hand in mine,

To dance the night away

And gaze into each other’s eyes

As this beautiful night turned to day.

We were alone, dancing there,

Together, me and you.

But then it fades into a mist

If only dreams came true.

yeah it was hard to let go of someone you thought loved you. but i guess it was just puppy love. anyway. march 2004 marked a new beginning i believe. but hey i guess this was meant for maria. i love you baby. forever and always. you are that girl in my dream and dreams do come true because you are my living proof.